Sunday, January 27, 2013

When Life Gets In The Way, Part 9,364.

Due to working at the Big Orange Store, the walking/running thing has been put by the wayside. Though I suppose I do it as part of my jobs, since neither Big Orange Store or the barn involve sitting down. Helpful fitness tip - running through sand arenas for fours hours a week will give you glutes that can crack walnuts, even if they don't look like it.

The not-smoking thing is not working. At all. I require a more tranquil period in which to start this. And maybe some horse tranquilizers.

I am experiencing low-grade terror over the following: getting a new job, not getting a new job, being fired from the Big Orange Store for not being fast enough, getting a new place to live, not getting a new place to live that is safe and affordable, my age making me less employable, unforseeable and unfixable car troubles, and general financial ruin.

I'm trying to live in each moment. I really am. I can put everything that's chasing me when I'm at the barn or at Trothwy's, even if it doesn't seem like it. I tell myself to enjoy each good moment, because that is all anyone has. It's harder to do it. It's hard for me to let go, to worry about all the things which need to be worried about later on, and just focus on being present.

I tell myself that The Gods are present wherever I am and no matter what else is going on. That They are truly something that can never be taken away. That I just need to let myself talk to Them, and that They will answer in some way.

I am terrible at all of this. But I'm trying.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year, New Me.

With the help of the Husband, I plan to do the following:

Make time to walk/run every day.
Lose 30 - 40 pounds. My knees will thank me for this.
Not eat things I shouldn't. I miss chocolate and bread already.
Quit smoking. I hate this more than I can express.

What I plan to do by myself:
Make more time to get in touch with Them.
Get a serious daily practice going.
Work that damn horse of mine and convince him he's not just a big barn ornament, but a creature who can be ridden without having the ER on speed dial.
Ride some of the horses at the Good Barn who scare me a little.
Trust that every setback isn't a disaster heralding immanent homelessness and mayhem.

I don't expect to pull this off perfectly. But I *do* expect the most of myself. This is My Year, and I'm going to make the most of it.