Monday, January 23, 2012

New Year, New You - Prompt, "Maps"; an Update.

I went to the woods. Later than I'd have liked, and due to a hard hide on Saturday morning, not where I might have liked, exactly. But First Husband found me a good place, and he and Second Husband and I all went into the woods for my Silent Time.

There were wrens. Scolding and fluttering as the dusk came, flitting around the exposed roots of the trees over the little dry-now creek where I sat. One bat, high up, chasing bugs. I didn't sit long - I didn't need to. I got told exactly what I thought I would; come back to us more often. We miss you. You need this. 

I do. And despite dogs and cats and horse and broken plumbing/fridges and friends who need an awful lot of help awfully frequently (there's going to be some unpleasantness about how often I'm available to drive people 100+ miles round-trip for doctors' appointments in the near future, I suspect), I need to go out there every weekend and remind myself how and why I became a witch in the first place.

Friday, January 20, 2012

New Year, New You - Prompt, "Maps"

"..the cities of the interior are vast and do not lie on any map." - J. Winterson, "The Passion"

It's time for the woods.

Never mind the fridge. Never mind the toilet. Never mind the laundry, the cooking and cleaning and all the other things that need to be done. I'm going off to the woods on Sunday to go sit and be quiet for a while. If anyone wants to come with me, they're welcome, but they'll be given to understand that there will be silence for a little while - phones off, no conversation, no explanations. I need to walk quietly, sit silently, hopefully up in a tree.

I grew up in the woods in upstate New York, and I have never really gotten used to living where I can't walk out the back door an be surrounded by trees. I wasn't made to be surrounded by all the unnatural sounds of modern life, at least not without frequent retreats to places where all I hear is birdsong, the wind in the trees, and wild animals doing what they do. And it's been far too long since I went back to one of the main things that sustains and renews my spirit.

"I can see night in the daytime/into the woods/I quietly go..." - The Call, "Into The Woods"

Monday, January 16, 2012

New Year, New You - Status update.

So far, so good - though not as good as I'd like.

The diet (though it's really about me revamping my eating habits so I'm eating what I should and not what I shouldn't - carbs really are my enemy) has been attempted and nuked repeatedly. I blame the holidays and a virulent stomach flu, but am getting back on the horse today. More protein. Less pasta. No tortilla chips. No excuses.

The holidays and various illnesses also nuked the magical assault on the Fridge From Hell, which despite being a pricey, three-year-old LG, is trying to die. This Friday, though, it gets the whammy. (Thanks to Frater R.O., who was kind enough to give me a PDF of his angelic grimoire and much helpful advice. I've got that horseshoe for you whenever you'd like it, good sir.)

I'm spinning and knitting and crocheting like a madwoman, and making really quick hats for cancer patients/allopecia patients. Now all I have to do is whip up a few more and find out where to donate them.

Second Husband, in addition to being the Food Police, is also going to be the Smoking Police. What with being on the Pill and over 35, I really need to quit. So we're tapering me off, which is sort-of how I stopped for a year two years ago (though being in the hospital after a nasty bout of appendicitis was helpful - narcotics make me crave citrus fruit and not care if I ever smoke again, apparently). Whining, nagging, and some grumpiness are in the forecast. I'll be supplementing this with some serious grounding and centering, and possibly some spellwork.

Pray for my Husbands and Co-Wife. They may need it.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Brief Word of Thanks.

Until I took up Dropout Dilettante's New Year, New You challenge, I was writing this thing like I was just talking to myself. I thought people might read it, but that wasn't really important. Then DD commented on my NY, NY posts, and it was like I'd been out in the garden, talking to myself and the birds and the dogs and the plants, and all of a sudden this other voice floated over the fence, and I was glad.

So thanks for your comments. I hope you're enjoying reading this stuff, and I hope you stick around.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Prompt - Relax, Don't Do it.

I gave some thought to Dropout Dilettante's Prompt about not getting our energies mixed up in the hey-I-made-it-three-days-time-to-go-back-to-SSDD stuff that'll be floating around. This is proving helpful in a weird way. WARNING: possibly TMI Girl Stuff Ahead.

I had my annual well-woman visit today, and after talking with my Gyn, decided to give up on the Depo that's been making my life hell for the past year. I mean, two months with no horrifying (yes, my periods are justly described as horrifying) periods is great. A month of bleeding so much that I can't leave the house is not. So I did what the Good Doc suggested in the first place last year, and got a bunch of samples of a Pill geared towards women my age. I just gave up on the Depo. I quit.

I feel oddly liberated, though at the same time so frustrated by this ridiculous fertility thing that I can't think straight. I am 40, have not wanted children since I was 20 or so (and even then, when I'd think about being home with one all day, I'd shudder - a good indicator that I Should Not Breed, EVAR), and should not have to think about this. When the Good Doc told me that it's "not your uterus's fault" the Depo isn't working for me, I wanted to scream, "OH YES IT IS I'VE HAD THIS SINCE I WAS TEN AND ENOUGH IS ENOUGH".

But I refrained, despite reading Hunter S. Thompson while waiting for the Good Doc.

I was also rather taken aback by the news that I'll have to return to condoms for a month while the pills kick in, since his nurse, when she gave me some to stop the Depo bleeding in July, DIDN'T BOTHER TO MENTION THAT PILLS IN COMBINATION WITH DEPO COULD MAKE ME OVULATE.

Yeah. Let that sink in a minute. This woman didn't bother to tell a 40-year-old woman who's obviously avoiding pregnancy like the plague that this could get her knocked up. A NURSE. I need to have a chat about this with the Good Doc sometime soon, because I was so busy swallowing my own tongue with outrage that I couldn't manage it today.

And that was the other way I gave myself something nice, as DD suggested - I didn't do the necessary-and-effective-but-tiring thing of being the agent of a proper and deserved ass-reaming. You can thank me later, Incompetent Nurse. Because I went to the barn and tended my horse and then came home for a margarita instead of getting you in well-deserved trouble.

How does this have to do with anything magical, you ask? It doesn't, I suppose, except maybe as an example of knowing when to Relax, Don't Do It. Despite my Goal of tossing magic at situations, I know better than to try it here, because whether I like it or not, this is a natural process that needs to run its course with as little interference as possible - trying to blast my own womb, hate it though I do, cannot end up anywhere good. Call me a hypocrite if you will, since I belong to a fertility religion yet will take the Pill and Depo, but I'm not ready to make it stop through Any Means Necessary just yet.

The next gift I'm giving myself is Not Getting Shit Done for the rest of the day. Pbbbt, world.