Yesterday, I was looking at where else I might be able to afford to ride, and eventually leverage that into teaching again. I realized that I was feeling less crushed and despairing and more pissed off at my summary and rather shitty dismissal.
Then I thought, fuck this. You forgot. The Good Barn wasn't supposed to be forever - you lost sight of the end goal. You forgot, when you came home grieving and broken, that this was temporary, that all this has ever really been about is you eventually running your own show. Your own barn. Your lessons, run your way. You got comfy and you forgot. Re-break your horse, or pay someone else to do it - he'd actually pay for himself with two lessons a week. Don't go back to where you were, because it is gone for a reason.
And I looked at Tao's comment again, him saying he believes in me, and thought, how? He doesn't really know me. But maybe he does. Maybe Tao is a little smarter about me than I am, right now. Maybe he's right, and the thing to do is dust off my sandals and keep moving toward where I'm really supposed to be.
I have no idea how this will happen. I need at least two schooling horses and the room and time to teach. But I managed to pull my shit together posthaste and find us a place to live, two cars, and enough work that we survived rather well after The Hasband decided to call it quits. Surely I can pull this off. To quote Uncle Aleister, if I do my Will, no other shall say nay.
And who's going to look under my saddle to see if it's got sigils all over it, anyway?
Joy and Rapture. I am glad to know that your are moving forward, it is hard to dig deep and find the will to continue at times. I have recently had to do some deep soul searching to find a place where I am comfortable being a Spiritual Advisor. I thought that because I was less than perfect, I could not lead others. Then I realized my strength is my humanity. Remember Universe is always waiting to shower you with blessings, but some times we must transform the manure into gold. If you are interested check out my blog at; http://audiamvocem.blogspot.com. Again glad my words reached you at the right time, keep up The Great Work.
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