Friday, December 30, 2011

The Voice in my head, patience and discipline.

There's a Voice in my head that pipes up sometimes. First Husband and I generally refer to it as the Evil Voice. It isn't actually evil - there's no telling me to maim/kill/insert violent or insane act here - but we call it the Evil Voice because if I told most people what it says about them, well, they'd call it evil. It's analytical as hell, unsentimental as all get-out, non-judgmental and objective*, and almost emotionless. When it tells me something about someone's motivations, it's right about 99% of the time. It seems to have no other purpose than kicking my ass and protecting me from people/things that are bad for me, including myself.

I had a conversation with it this morning.

I came downstairs this morning with Stinky Dog, only to find that the rather pricy, less-than-three-year-old LG fridge is not frigging working. Again. I put the Stinky Dog out, made coffee, and unplugged the stupid thing. Then I went outside with S.D. to enjoy the beautiful day and get my morning stimulants in (coffee and cigarette - yes, I know, it should just be the coffee). I turned on my laptop and started doing my daily rounds of witchy blog reading.

ME: Oooo. The Alchemist's Garden has a post about canning. Damn, that looks good. I wish I had the patience to learn how to do that.

EVIL VOICE: Maybe you need to get the patience by doing it.

ME: Shut up. The fridge is dying. I just got up.

EVIL VOICE: We get disciplined and patient by making ourselves do things that require discipline and patience.

ME: 'Cause that's not circular logic at all.

EVIL VOICE: This isn't getting your laundry done, at any rate.

ME:  I hate how you're always right. (gets out from behind laptop to tackle the laundry)

*This is why I'm pretty sure it's not just me being crazy or hallucinating; it just says what it sees/knows, with no values attached. Example: Say someone's behavior has been driving me nuts.

What the Evil Voice will pop up with: Well, that's because Person would rather deal with what they'd like to have happening instead of dealing with what is happening, and that's because X Y and/or Z.

What I pop up with in my own head, or talking to myself out loud: WTF BBQ AMA WHY CAN'T YOU DEAL WITH REALITY LIKE RIGHT THIS FRIGGING MINUTE. AAARGH!!!

You see the difference.

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