Sunday, January 27, 2013

When Life Gets In The Way, Part 9,364.

Due to working at the Big Orange Store, the walking/running thing has been put by the wayside. Though I suppose I do it as part of my jobs, since neither Big Orange Store or the barn involve sitting down. Helpful fitness tip - running through sand arenas for fours hours a week will give you glutes that can crack walnuts, even if they don't look like it.

The not-smoking thing is not working. At all. I require a more tranquil period in which to start this. And maybe some horse tranquilizers.

I am experiencing low-grade terror over the following: getting a new job, not getting a new job, being fired from the Big Orange Store for not being fast enough, getting a new place to live, not getting a new place to live that is safe and affordable, my age making me less employable, unforseeable and unfixable car troubles, and general financial ruin.

I'm trying to live in each moment. I really am. I can put everything that's chasing me when I'm at the barn or at Trothwy's, even if it doesn't seem like it. I tell myself to enjoy each good moment, because that is all anyone has. It's harder to do it. It's hard for me to let go, to worry about all the things which need to be worried about later on, and just focus on being present.

I tell myself that The Gods are present wherever I am and no matter what else is going on. That They are truly something that can never be taken away. That I just need to let myself talk to Them, and that They will answer in some way.

I am terrible at all of this. But I'm trying.

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