I don't really believe that people change, or at least, not very often. Do we get more set in our ways as time goes on? Sure. But by and large, I believe that leopards don't change their spots.
On the other hand, when is it useful to make a concerted effort to change? After a wonderful meeting with Trothwy today, I started considering something she said today in conjunction with something the Husband had said before The Disaster (as I've come to think of it).
About two weeks before The Disaster, I was saying to the Husband that I'd love to be one of these people who gets up at the crack of dawn, goes for a run (OK, probably a walk in my case), and then gets stuff done all day. "So why don't you become that person?" he asked.
Then Trothwy said today that she tries not to entertain negative thoughts (I'm paraphrasing). I'd like to do that, too - to be able, finally, to just let go of things.
I have a million excuses. I'm tired at 5am. I get wicked shin splints. I need to get groceries. I'll need to go to work too early. I was going to take my dog, who isn't with me yet. Not being able to let go of things is just part of who I am. I'm justified in being righteously pissed off and in neither forgiving or forgetting. They're all lame, really.
I don't have to forgive or forget, but I don't have to dwell on my resentments, either. I was talking to Trothwy today, and while a great deal of it was a Rant-A-Rama, there were some good things, too. Cooking is a lot less stressful. Pet management is a lot less stressful. Hell, the general atmosphere is a lot less stressful. Is the money a constant worry? Sure. But if I get a great opportunity to move out-of-state for a job I really want, that's possible now. While I love and care for my housemates and strive not to be a pain in their asses, they generally tend to their own emotional health. So why not start looking at things differently? Why not start trying to react to things differently? I don't have to be perfect. I shouldn't expect 100% consistency.
All I can do is try, and I think it may well be worth it.