Wherein The Ocelot Discovers Her Husband Is Pretty Good At Witchery.

Setting: Renfaire. Time: Yesterday. Place: Prince of Wales Pub at TRF. Husband is buying beer, bantering with the bartender (a straight woman) and a performer (a young gay man). Our Heroine (me) comes up behind Husband, banters along with bartender and young man for a moment, and then -

HUSBAND: We need to leave now.
ME: What? (figuring either Young Man or Bartender has freaked him out somehow, which is pretty odd as he is not homophobic, not skeeved by older women, and a flirt to boot)
HUSBAND: (takes off out of Pub at a brisk pace)
ME: (plaintively, trying to drink raspberry mead while following) Why are we running?

Finally, we find an opportune stopping point.

H: The Ex-Husband and Ex-Co Wife were right behind us.
ME: (indifferent) Really? (thinks, gets puzzled) But I didn't see anybody. (Ex-Husband is a big man and not easily missed)
H: Yeah, well, I might have...done something so you didn't see him.
ME: WAIT, WHAT?! Since when can you make other people invisible to me?
H: Well, I thought you wouldn't want to see him and have it ruin your day, so...
ME: (brain bending at uncomfortable angles) SO YOU MADE HIM INVISIBLE SINCE WHEN CAN YOU DO THIS.
H: (a bit smugly) Didn't you think I was a good enough witch to do something like that?
ME: (sternly) That is not the point. HOW DID YOU DO THIS IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN MISS HIM.
H: (again with slight smug) All things are energy. So I just pushed him one way and you the other.
ME: (headbench) So now there's going to be weirdness about "Why did you two run off" and crap. It would have been better to just do the, "Oh hai seeya bye" thing. And by the way, again, HOW DID YOU DO THIS.
H: I told you. It isn't hard, and -
ME: (suspicious) Have you done this to me before?
H: (serious) No. I just thought it might ruin your day.
ME: No, it would not have ruined my day. It's a big Faire, and it is a beautiful cool day and I am here with the man I love who loves me. Seeing him doesn't do anything to change that. But you have to understand something.
H: What?
ME: THAT THIS IS LIKE GIVING YOUR KID A CHEMISTRY SET, SHOWING HIM HOW TO MAKE A BAKING-SODA AND VINEGAR VOLCANO, AND THEN FINDING HIM IN THE BASEMENT WITH A FULL ALCHEMICAL SETUP THE FOLLOWING WEEK.
H: (snickers)
ME: (despairs)

A stern "we do not make decisions for other people like that and this may be why you now have a hell of a headache" general lecture was issued. Another lecture on "let's use our witchery to create a computer glitch that makes the ocelot's student loan payments considerably smaller so she can actually pay them" will follow.*


*I'm kidding.