Friday, November 2, 2012

New Year, Same Stuff.

I consider the day after Samhain to be the New Year and Summer's End.

I was hoping that between radical life changes and doing the Rites last week, that I'd start off on a good note, feeling all hopeful and chipper and having things even out and crap like that.

Not so much.

There was the sudden firing by the Bad Barn. The Good Barn just lost 2 clients, one of whom was one of my students who rode twice a week. This Sinus Crud will not leave. Husband has been on overtime for two or three weeks now, which is good, but may also have to work all Thanksgiving weekend, which means no going to Renfaire this year.

I am Over It. I am peeved at the Universe, which seems to be on a "give her something/take two things away" kick. I got the job at the Good Barn - but I won't even be able to cover this month's groceries unless I get two new students in, and if they can't give me enough lessons, I'm going to have to quit and begin another desperate search for a desk job anyway. We need to move out by the end of March, which is a lot sooner than I'd thought.

Yes, life has it's ups and downs. Light at the end of the tunnel and whatnot. But I'm bone-weary and the temptation to shout "THAT'S IT. I QUIT" and just lay down where I am and refuse to move is great. I need at least a year where maybe only one major appliance breaks down or I have a sudden huge vet bill or there is some other unpleasantness, as opposed to the past year where all of the frigging above have happened, usually in rapid succession.

I am sick of chaos and disaster and having almost no options. I am tired of trying my damnedest at whatever-it-is and still not succeeding. I am worn thin from having things I want dangled in front of me, just out of reach, only to be snatched back at the last moment.

And it's making me exceptionally boring to talk to in real time and blog posts, I'm sure.

Speaking of which (and witch - LOL SEE WHAT I DID THERE), I do recognize that it could be worse. We could have gone to stay with friends in New Jersey and lost everything we had (theoretically - I don't actually know anyone in New Jersey, really). We could be losing time from work that we won't get paid for, like the wonderful Deb at Charmed, I'm Sure. So I'm pimping her shop here (click me!) in the hopes that maybe some of you wonderful folk might go forth and buy stuff or make some kind of donation.

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